The Caregiver Chronicles: True Stories of Life with Mom

Unless you're new around these parts you know that mom lives with me and she's a bit older.  She's a few years shy of seventy which plants her in that sweet spot for COVID-19 to be nasty.  Her immune system isn't compromised but she's had serious health issues in the past that make me wary of her doing more of anything out and about.  That was great until work said all of you go home.  I totally know why they are doing it and in theory it's a good thing but let me tell you how living with someone who doesn't plan well, who I have to work to keep healthy, and who invades my free time on a regular day is going to be super not fun when I don't have the consistency of work to partake of.  As the nation moves to use the same technology I'm not sure if any of my current plans for classes will work out at all.  That stress, on top of student stress, on top of been at home with mom stress is making me well stressed.  And this week I found out I may not be ab

I love my mother, really I do.  If I didn't she'd be homeless cause she sucks as a roommate.  Not in the ways that would make someone suck traditionally though.  She washes the dishes most days--but typically while you may still be eating because you just got home from work or running errands for her so now it looks like you're a jerk because she wants to finish the dishes before you have started savoring your meal.  She cooks but nothing you asked for, want or desire to eat at any point in your life.  She vacuums excessively but cannot for the life of her remember how to open the canister on the vacuum cleaner to empty the accumulated mess.  And even though we have a senior bus system that can take her where she wants to go whenever she basically refuses to use it because it doesn't cater to her whims in the same way you do. This week 4/5 work days had me out until at least 8 PM even though one of them was technically a holiday but we went to see a speaker.  After ea

So I treated myself to lots of things this Christmas but the one I could share was Beat Saber on Oculus Quest.  I played a little bit the day I got it but prepping for a new semester and all that jazz got in the way of playing with it more.  I fired it up today to make sure everything was working correctly still and jumped into a Beat Saber game.  About 20 minutes later I asked mom if she wanted to join in.  What ensued was 90 minutes of us laughing as she learned how to work a VR headset and we jammed out to the Imagine Dragons expansion pack.

As someone who works in academia, this time of year is usually a mix of trying desperately to relax and preparation for the next term.  It looks like we have two or three weeks off but we only do in theory.  Meetings will start again shortly after the first of the year.  Students will be clamoring for course content and we will want to go back to sleep.  Doing all of that while taking care of another human being, other than yourself, is a different kind of challenge.  Thanksgiving was our normal standoff of well we've eaten let's go shopping--nope.  Christmas was great but I realized that was because I spent most of the day doing things I enjoy.  I woke up and baked and made Belgian waffles until midday when I switched gears to make dinner.  I gave mom her literally hard to find gifts and some other things she said she needed last minute.  All was well until about 8 that night when she asked for a gift she can't actually describe well was.  She wants a heavy bedspread b

Run errands yesterday, grabbing things for the holidays so I can relax this week unless upon point of death I need something to complete dinner.  Get home after hitting multiple stores because we make fried turkey breasts around this place and store one was out, store two had them completely defrosted which would be great on Wednesday but seems super creepy on Saturday plus they were in a container that was smelling kinda funky, and store three had old friends and a recent fellow murderer (long story you'd have to be there).  Unpacking the goodies and as I have gotten semi settled I'm asked where is her milk.  Her very specific skim milk that is the only milk she will ingest no matter how much more milk is in the house.  Well, that wasn't on the nifty shopping list even though for some reason a curtain rod was.  She tells me that she asked Alexa to add it to the shopping list but Alexa said it was already on there.  Downfall of AI I tell you.  Ice milk was on there and afte

I figured out the address for this blog probably a week ago.  I didn't want to write then because I was frustrated and then a few days went by with the grind of life and there was no time.  I didn't plan on writing today because I was frustrated again but I realized if I waited till I wasn't frustrated I may never put finger to keyboard.  So I'm a woman in my early forties who has been the primary caregiver of my mother since literally days after I turned 30.  I'm not sure that either of us knew then that it would be a permanent situation but as it has become more clear that is the case it has been a struggle.  Not just because it's interesting raising your parents but even more so as they age, their memory slips here and there and they become more resistant to living in the world as it is instead of the world they want to hold on to with everything from rules and terminology being different to believing people are taking advantage of them because of the way t